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The Birds and the Bees
Where do babies come from? This is a question that strikes fear into even the most progressive parent. At some point, all parents will need to have this conversation. By the time sex education classes are delivered in a school classroom, it may be too late to ensure that your child has all the facts. Children are children, and while we might think our own children are innocent, the fact is that they are far wiser to the world around them than we tend to believe. If you are wanting to ensure that your child has the facts, then it is your responsibility as a parent to ensure that they have the best possible understanding of the facts.
For many parents, ‘the talk’ is something they wrestle with, as most parents dread that conversation. First, you will need to decide the age at which you feel your child will be ready to absorb the information. If you suspect your child is getting the information while out on the school playground, you will most likely see the signs, and this is probably the time to address the facts. Once your child starts to ask questions or mentioning things they have heard, it’s time.
You may want to discuss the situation with close friends who have children of a similar age. Your child’s teacher will also be a good source of information. The important thing is to come up with an approach to address the topic, in a calm, relaxed and matter-of-fact way.
Building clear lines of communication with your child will mean that they feel more comfortable talking to you about a range of issues as they grow up. Shying away from or altering the truth to suit your own fears will only come back to haunt you in the future. The biggest mistake a parent can make in discussing the ‘birds and the bees’ is to make their child believe that the facts of life are something to be ashamed of and embarrassed about.
Some feel that the early introduction of sex education may be robbing children of their youth, giving them too much information that is too far out of their comprehension. Others feel that this is the best way to prevent early teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. They believe that by making the conversation easy from a young age, children will be less secretive and more practical in their approach to issues relating to relationships and sex.
The parent has the final say in when your child is given ‘the talk’ and what information is included. You are the best judge when it comes to knowing your child, what they are ready to understand and how they will handle the information. At school, there is a very standard approach. The children are all given the same information and their questions are open to the subjective views of the person providing the answers. All children develop at their own rate, and it is important that as parents, you are prepared to provide information and answer questions relating to the changes your child’s body will experience over the years.
The other consideration worth keeping in mind is your own family or cultural values. These differ widely across the world and within our local communities. You should be sensitive to what your child needs to know versus the traditions that you follow in your daily lives as a family.
All of the above factors should be considered when thinking about how you will discuss the topic. These discussions should also factor in the changing world we live in, and the conversations will need to be age appropriate, with ongoing discussions taking place as your child grows mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Here is KidiHealth’s recommended checklist to consider before you start:
- Is your child ready to digest the information?
- Do you believe it is necessary to have the talk sooner rather than later?
- Have you discussed your plans with your partner?
- Have you determined the age-appropriate level of information?
- Have you considered some of the questions your child may ask and what you will say in response?
- Will you include information about relationships as the building blocks of healthy sexual relationships, even as a starting point that you can build on as your child gets older?
- Will you consider asking your child what they already know about sex as a way of determining how you will approach the subject and how much information you will provide?
- Have you considered asking your child’s teacher for advice on what children already know?
- Have you considered how you will encourage your child to talk openly to you about such issues, now and in the future?
- Have you considered the language you will use when discussing the issue of ‘the birds and the bees’, and will this be appropriate language for your child to use when they’re with their friends who may then in turn, pass that back to their own parents?